Ruminations

Image courtsey: Chris Sharp

Come Dushhera time every year and one expects to share camaraderie and bonhomie with family, friends, neighbours and associates. However, sadly, this year the zing seemed to be missing from the ritual of meeting friends and sharing sweets and gifts. All you can hear and see in every household is grieving. Either for dear ones who have passed away or are sick or there is strife within families. In general there is an undercurrent of apathy and sombre despair in the hearts of otherwise robust and fun loving people.

 I got to thinking what the reason could be for all this unhappiness, especially, as most of the folks I am thinking about are moderately if not really affluent and are apparently doing pretty well for themselves. Then why this melancholy, why the forced smiles and frivolous chatter? After ruminating over this for a few days I have come to the conclusion that most people are unhappy because they are forcing themselves to do things that they are not comfortable or happy doing.

Social pressures are high and we desperately need to conform to the norms set by our corporate friends or wealthy neighbours or school friends who have become runaway successes. In short, we try to match up to everyone we come in contact with. We emulate our more successful friends and neighbours not because we admire them but because we are envious of them and want to acquire the same “status”. Forget about not being cut out for that kind of “status” and/or lifestyle.

We no longer enjoy doing things; we do things because that is what everyone else is doing. We ape, quite mindlessly, what we think is a cool lifestyle, a cool facade. We often forget the fact that appearing beautiful and happy is not the same thing as being beautiful and happy. We are constantly hankering for affirmation from others, trying to imitate models- the way they dress, the way the walk, the way they talk, the way they smile or gesticulate- never mind that keeping up with trends burns a hole in our pockets through which all essential things like love, compassion, honesty, integrity fall away and are lost forever.

We have transformed sensuousness into carnality. We just need to get a kick out of every action, every utterance and every thought. Suddenly you find everybody wanting to become gourmet chefs, high profile travel guides, journalists, fashion designers, health and beauty consultants, anchors for TV and reality shows, models and hi-fliers of every variety. Never mind that our homes and personal relationships are in shambles. All we are concerned about is how much public attention we can get. Anything to turn heads and spout a lot of hot air! That is all the triumph we desire, all that soothes our troubled minds and aching hearts.

Going by the depressive environment of most homes, this way of life is obviously not working. Mothers are trying to outdo their daughters in cuteness and innocence; fathers are drinking and sharing obscene jokes with their sons; teachers are trying to beat their students at being hip and happening; relationships being sacrificed at the altar of gossip and intrigue. Each one is more garrulous more poisonous than the other. Vipers will be rendered harmless and impotent if pitted against the venom in some of us. Like the purdah the concept of belt has also vanished for most of us. There is nothing low enough to be below the belt these days. Washing private linen in public is the most done thing. And each thinks this is the trendiest thing to do and follows suit.

The chasm is not visible for us because we have become short sighted. Our vision stops at the misty lure of exhibition and affirmation. The darkness beneath is well and truly hidden until you are right at the precipice. And then all those we have spent our lives, our fortunes, following will be there and their laughter will deaden our cries of agony and they will all bid us adieu and give us a gentle push- over the precipice. And as we fall the only thoughts that will rattle through our minds will be- why did I do this? Why did I not follow my heart instead? Why did I not live life as it was meant to be lived? Why did I waste my life, my happiness, my fortune in pursuing people who mean nothing?

The chasm, my friends, is real and it awaits each of us who wanders into the wilderness of pomp and show. Do not turn to false friends for avowal, seek affirmation within. Ask yourself why you are doing something? What does your action mean to you and to all those who truly love you? Don’t seek camaraderie in pubs and clubs and kitty parties- seek companionship at home with your spouse and your children. Remember we cannot all be gourmet chefs and hi profile hosts and entertainers- so when you invite friends home spend time talking about old times, laugh at the pranks you did as children, empathize about old hurts and cry about losses. Cook whatever you can with a lot of love and your friends will go away happier people than when they had come to your house.

Remember, the chief ingredient in life is not success, but happiness. Each of us succeeds in our own ways and if that gives us happiness – what more can we ask for? So this Deepawali, drown your doubts and unhappiness in a shower of hope and positivity. Open the doors of your heart and take a deep breath. Be the best friend you can be and above everything, be your own best friend!
Happy Diwali :) !