Happy
birthday to me!
I feel like a new leaf…I suppose that’s how
everyone’s supposed to feel on their birthdays. But, strangely, this feeling of
having turned over a new leaf is very different from what I experience every
year on this day. There is a calm and peace inside of me that is both novel and
exhilarating. So what’s happened that’s new? As I inch my way close to the half
century mark I realize that my life so far has had a fairy tale quality about
it…I can see the star dust and hear the tinkling bells…I can reminisce the ups
and downs I’ve had with composure and without rancour.
As if perched on top of a tall cliff I can
see my life go by… a serene onlooker with no wish or ability to intervene. My
gaze has become so penetrating that I can almost see into the life of things
that have surrounded me and created this illusion of a doll’s house that I have
been so busy keeping. The little things that have caused such intense sorrow
and the even more minute happenings that have rendered so much joy. They don’t
matter anymore…nothing matters anymore. I have arrived at that plane where people
or events no longer tip the balance of my entire life one way or the other…Karmanye
vadhikaraste, Ma phaleshou kada chana, Ma karma phala hetur bhurmatey sangostva
akarmani…do what you have to and let the rest take care of itself…what a
liberating thought. Ah! I can breathe freely.
Now I’m able to detach myself from me and understand
the meaning of lots of things that made no sense earlier. I have no envy and I
have no anger… my emotions are all spent. I’ve loved too much, I’ve hated too
much, I’ve laughed too much and I’ve cried too much. I’ve done everything that
my mortal self was supposed to have done. Now I only do what I think I should
do, irrespective of what the eventual result may be. I live like the breeze,
gently shaking the leaves and rustling through the reeds. I’m free from the
bondage of wanting…for myself and for the ones I love. Each of us just needs to
do the right thing…only then will there be a right for every wrong.
Today I start living a new year…365 brand
new days to live before I again sit down and reflect on the course of my life.
Right now I’m on keel and the boat of my life isn’t about to capsize. I have
the strength to live another day, another month, another year. Cheers!
Much as I would like to run up and give you a big bear hug, in keeping with the spirit of this post, I think I'd rather just perch myself on to that same cliff and hope someday to be able to look back on my own life with the same detachment.
ReplyDeleteThis detachment that comes from having lived a fulfilling life with a spotless conscience. =)
Love you, Ma. You are by far the strongest, kindest and most inspiring of persons I know.
Here's to that Leo sun returning to its own home again soon! =)
:D Beautiful! Your posts keep getting better and better. I felt like I was moving through a wind tunnel while reading it but at the end of it, there was a sudden, yet serene, calm.
ReplyDeleteDeboleena, votre commentaire est très bonne!
And Happy Birthday!!! <3
ReplyDelete