It’s All About Binding and Bonding

Adult relationship(s) can be very complex…sometimes it can be something of an enigma. All relationships may not even fit the bill of “proper” relationships. Most people try to conform to the rigours of societal norms and deny “irregular” relationships or lie about it. I remember when I was in school most ‘boyfriends’ were termed “cousin brothers” for popular consumption. How after a few years the same “cousins” duly became husbands or partners nobody cared to think about.

Is it so hard to imagine that not all relationships can be bucketed as mother, father, sister, brother, wife, husband, colleague, neighbour, friend, partner, lover etc.? Can there be no relationship that is delicate and sweet but out of the purview of the standard nomenclature of relationships? Why can we not have relationships that are fine-tuned, delicately poised, vibrant and alive and yet cannot be straight-jacketed into the “normal” bracket?

I have known two persons who have shared such a nameless yet beautiful relationship without the formal stamp of societal approval. They have gone through their lives trying to keep their un-named relationship alive and free of sordidness. Their relationship could not be culminated into a prescribed format because of the vast difference in ages and the marital status of the younger man... or, perhaps, because that was the way they preferred it.

I was young and did not understand the nuances of commitment in relationships to be able to ascertain whether their relationship was platonic or not. But being in their midst and being part of their reality helped me gain insight into adult human relationships from a very young age. Most adult relatives in my family would frown upon my association with the couple- both were teachers in my school- but my parents had taught me to be sensitive to people’s feelings and that helped me to accept their friendship with out judgement.

Of the few times that I had the opportunity of visiting the staff quarters, where she lived- I have the happiest memories of. The heavenly aroma of freshly baked scones and strong filter coffee still wafts through my mind’s nostrils. The animated exploration of John Keats’ poetry, the warm glow of the lamp and the strong perfume that she wore made for a heady combination. He was soft spoken and mild and blinked several times through his glasses before making a point. She was articulate and forceful and would hold forth as if she were still in class! I was usually the mute spectator but I would just bask in the warmth of such academic discourse.

Nasty comments from others about how she was “shamelessly carrying on” with him often came to my ears too and I would feel confused and sad. How  two such erudite and nice people could be the butt of others contempt, beat me. But, I suppose, there was another side to the coin too; that my inexperience and naivety completely over looked. All I could see and recognize was how well these two people understood each other, how well their tastes and often opinions matched, how well they complemented each other’s knowledge.  That they were slightly closer than mere colleagues was evident, but what name could you give their relationship?


This brings me back to where I started. Why can’t there be relationships that have no names? In my opinion, of course there can! Relationships are all about building bridges and bringing people together. Not all bridges in the world have names but they still join two or more remote parts together. All relationships come under the umbrella of humanity and if they facilitate to bring together lonely and isolated people then the purpose is well served.