It’s All About Binding and Bonding
Adult relationship(s) can be very
complex…sometimes it can be something of an enigma. All relationships may not
even fit the bill of “proper” relationships. Most people try to conform to the rigours
of societal norms and deny “irregular” relationships or lie about it. I
remember when I was in school most ‘boyfriends’ were termed “cousin brothers”
for popular consumption. How after a few years the same “cousins” duly became
husbands or partners nobody cared to think about.
Is it so hard to imagine that not all
relationships can be bucketed as mother, father, sister, brother, wife,
husband, colleague, neighbour, friend, partner, lover etc.? Can there be no
relationship that is delicate and sweet but out of the purview of the standard
nomenclature of relationships? Why can we not have relationships that are
fine-tuned, delicately poised, vibrant and alive and yet cannot be
straight-jacketed into the “normal” bracket?
I have known two persons who have shared such a nameless yet beautiful relationship without the formal stamp of societal approval. They
have gone through their lives trying to keep their un-named relationship alive
and free of sordidness. Their relationship could not be culminated into a
prescribed format because of the vast difference in ages and the marital status of the younger man... or, perhaps, because that was the way
they preferred it.
I was young and did not understand the
nuances of commitment in relationships to be able to ascertain whether their
relationship was platonic or not. But being in their midst and being part of
their reality helped me gain insight into adult human relationships from a very
young age. Most adult relatives in my family would frown upon my association
with the couple- both were teachers in my school- but my parents had taught me
to be sensitive to people’s feelings and that helped me to accept their friendship with out judgement.
Of the few times that I had the opportunity
of visiting the staff quarters, where she lived- I have the happiest memories of.
The heavenly aroma of freshly baked scones and strong filter coffee still wafts
through my mind’s nostrils. The animated exploration of John Keats’ poetry,
the warm glow of the lamp and the strong perfume that she wore made for a heady
combination. He was soft spoken and mild and blinked several times through his
glasses before making a point. She was articulate and forceful and would hold
forth as if she were still in class! I was usually the mute spectator but I
would just bask in the warmth of such academic discourse.
Nasty comments from others about how she
was “shamelessly carrying on” with him often came to my ears too and I would
feel confused and sad. How two such erudite and nice people could be the butt
of others contempt, beat me. But, I suppose, there was another side to the coin
too; that my inexperience and naivety completely over looked. All I could see
and recognize was how well these two people understood each other, how well
their tastes and often opinions matched, how well they complemented each
other’s knowledge. That they were
slightly closer than mere colleagues was evident, but what name could you give
their relationship?
This brings me back to where I started. Why can’t there be relationships that have no names? In my opinion, of course there can! Relationships are all about building bridges and bringing people together. Not all bridges in the world have names but they still join two or more remote parts together. All relationships come under the umbrella of humanity and if they facilitate to bring together lonely and isolated people then the purpose is well served.
This brings me back to where I started. Why can’t there be relationships that have no names? In my opinion, of course there can! Relationships are all about building bridges and bringing people together. Not all bridges in the world have names but they still join two or more remote parts together. All relationships come under the umbrella of humanity and if they facilitate to bring together lonely and isolated people then the purpose is well served.
I think this is absolutely brilliant! I mean, a lot of times, I've struggled to name a relationship, to explain and justify, and here you are, you have said what I wanted to in perfect words!
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